So basically...

You all know what's going down with me right now. I'm struggling with same sex attraction. I've delt with this for roughly 5 years. 8th grade was when it really hit me what was happening and when I understood what I was feeling. That's when it started going down hill. I started getting into bad things and I did some pretty bad things too. I can go into a little more detail if you guys want but just understand that I'm seeing my Bishop and Stake President right now because of it. I want to get it cleared up so I can get the Melchizidek Priesthood and go on my mission. It's been really tough but slowly getting easier and you guys have definitely played a big part in it. I was not expecting such a supportive response from you guys. I guess I expected the worst but got the best. I love you all so much because of it. I couldn't have any better friends in the entire world!

I feel stupid and ashamed of what I did and I know I shouldn't feel that way because it's in the past but I can't help it. I think I've been depressed these past few years to the point that I need medication but I was never quite sure. Either way it hasn't been helping the whole situation. I do know though that when I was out in rexburg, hanging out with you guys, I was happy and I wasn't hating myself. I could be myself without being afraid of being judged. So I really appreciate that. I wouldn't have been able to take this step forward without your help! It especially doesn't help that I'm far away in New Jersey with nothing to do though. I really don't think I'll fall back into my old ways. The major stuff that happened was like 2-3 years ago. But still I'm not very busy until I go to China.

Life kinda sucks in general but I think that's to be expected because of what's going on. I know it'll get better. I have you amazing friends that love me (I hope ;)) and support me so I can get through this. I just have to keep telling myself this and make sure I have happy thoughts and don't dwell on any depressing thoughts because otherwise I'll start getting depressed again. My Bishop and Stake President will also be able to help with that. I have to remember that if I focus on Christ and ask for his help that I can do this. I know that he loves me and I think that's enough for now. I'm struggling to understand why this is happening to me and why I'm thinking and feeling the way I do but that'll come later. Right now I think I just need to be happy and focus and making myself worthy again. You guys are such an inspiration to me and I miss you so much it hurts! I know it wasn't just an accident that I met you guys and became such close friends with you all! Hanna, Mindy, Carlo, Kati, Bret, and Kit Kat, I freaking love you so much! I couldn't do this without you and I appreciate everything you've done for me so far soooo much! It's going to be hard but hey that's what trials are for.

-Scott